I love black thongs
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
