I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
