I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize