sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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