Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
