boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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