1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
