so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
