I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
