So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
