U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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