remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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