Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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