girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
