There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
