Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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