Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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