First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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