Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
did you just send me my own nude
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
