I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
