You just made me feel so damn special
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
