weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
