Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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