who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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