Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
