Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't deserve a penis
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
