just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The uberlube is also flammable
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
