i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
