Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
