Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
