Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize