Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
