Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
