we have pet lesbian snakes
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we're making bets on your personal life
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
