my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
