I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize