Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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