I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
