The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
