I wish I could teleport
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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