Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
