I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
