I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
