I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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