when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
