you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
