shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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