the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
