She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My breasts were aching with rage.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
