All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
