She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
