Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
