apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
