The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Alive.
So much puke
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
