Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
