Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I checked into jail on foursquare
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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