i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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