My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
