is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
