The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
