Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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