low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
