this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
