Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
