He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
