..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
