wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
