All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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