I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
