WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
my liver is dry heaving
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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