yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize